The Precious Toenail Polish Massacre

I'd never spent so much on a pedicure. $325! But I was about to meet Johnny Depp on the beach set of the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie and I had to look my best. He was taking me shoe shopping! This was all part of a sweepstakes prize package I'd won, so $325 on a pedicure seemed justified. Plus, the color matched my sundress exactly - and I mean, exactly! The resort spa had mixed the nail polish just for me.

I handed over my credit card and gingerly stepped toward the door in my flip flops. The doorman opened the door and escorted me to the curb where a man in a jeep motioned for me to hop in the back. He would take me to the set. He peeled away from the curb and raced toward the sand. As he veered off the road, he dug around in the front passenger seat and threw a pair of thick, dirty boots toward me.

"Put these on," he said.

I held the dirty, worn boots away from me. There was no way I was going to put those on and ruin my pedicure.

"I'm going to the beach. The set of Pirates of the Caribbean? To meet Johnny Depp?"

He nodded at me through his rearview mirror and flicked his cigarette out into the racing wind. "You can wear those."

He jerked to a stop at the edge of a rocky-looking patch of land. I remained sitting. I could see palm trees in the distance, but we were in a desolate spot away from any sign of people. The driver hopped out and began collecting supplies from the back of the jeep.

"I've got shoes, thank you," I said as I opened my door and started to follow him.

"Whoa! Don't move! You can't walk out here without boots on. The black sand comes from volcanoes, you know."

I examined the ground a little more closely and noticed that what I'd thought was patchy black soil looked more like hot, sticky tar. Volcanic lava? No wonder I was supposed to wear boots. I admired my brightly-polished toes against the striking black of the lava. The polish was still a little wet. And I'd already ruined my flip flops by stepping out of the jeep.

"I'll just wear -- OH!" I yelped to the driver as lizards ran across my feet. I screamed in shock, then cried aloud as I noticed the tiny little clawprints skittered across my toenails.

"The lizards got ya, did they?" the driver asked as he pulled a big brown bottle from his bag. "We'd better get this on your feet before the poison seeps through."

"Poison? What is that?" I asked as he began pouring liquid over my feet.

"It's an acid. It may sting a little, but it beats the alternative."

My toenail polish bubbled and disintegrated as I suffered the cure. The driver thrust the boots at me once again and I reluctantly pulled them up over my feet. We trudged across the lava until we reached cooler sandy beach. Then I pulled off the boots and examined my pedicure. The precious berry-colored polish had been massacred. I wiped a streak of mascara from my wet cheek and took a deep breath. Pretty painted toenails or not, I had a date with Johnny Depp and some shoes.