The Rhino

 

“Ugh, there’s my ex,” Janice said, tilting her head toward a man in an open-necked black shirt standing at the bar. He leaned against it casually, acting as if he owned the place. The bartender ignored him and continued slowly wiping out glasses one at a time while Rick stood awkwardly at the bar, trying to be cool, but losing his smile as he tried in vain to get the bartender’s attention.

“I call him The Rhino,” Janice told Maggie.

“The Rhino? Why?”

“Because that’s what he reminds me of, always acting like he has some great big horn that we should all bow down to and be afraid of, but believe me, it’s not that big.”

Maggie snorted her drink and flopped back in her booth. “Oh my God, you’re going to make me choke!”

Janice smirked and leaned into the table. “Between you and me, he doesn’t even know what to do with his horn.”

“Oh my God, Janice. Stop!” Maggie clutched her side as she laughed and howled. Some of the bar patrons turned around to look at her. She waved them off and continued laughing silently.

“Uh oh. Looks like The Rhino spotted us. Here he comes, ready to charge over here.”

Maggie wiped the wet mascara under her eyes and settled into a few chortles as she turned to watch Rick make his way past the cluster of people at the bar. He knocked into the arm of a woman in red. Her margarita sloshed over the top of her glass and she jumped back, protecting her clothes while a dribble of icy mess fell onto her shoes.

“Hey, watch it!” she said. Rick ambled on, oblivious to the woman’s date, who came storming after him.

“See,” Janice said. “He’s like a rhino in the wild. He can’t see the obvious, so thinks he owns the place and comes charging, ready to do battle and wield his big ugly horn around.”  Maggie collapsed into a new fit of laughter as the woman’s boyfriend caught up with Rick and started poking fingers at Rick’s face. Both men puffed up their chests and grunted a few obscenities. Rick must have offered some sort of apology, or at least offered to buy another drink because Maggie and Janice watched him reach into his wallet.

“Rhinos have square-shaped lips, you know,” she said absently as Rick continued his approach.

“How do you know so much about rhinos?” Maggie asked as Rick drew to their tables.

“I dated one for over a year,” Janice said. “They’re all charge-first-and-ask-questions-later. They seem big and strong, but really they’re just idiots who can’t see what’s right in front of them and charge into trees and rocks, marking their territory. Like now. Here comes Rick to mark his territory. Hope he doesn’t get his horn out.”

Maggie shook with laughter. “Stop it.”

“Hi Ladies.”

“Hi Rick.”

“You here alone? Can I buy you a drink?”

“We’re drinking wine. Out of bottles. But feel free to go get yourself a box of wine instead.”

Maggie choked.

"Their horns are nothing but useless cartilage, you know." Janice sat back and sipped her drink, satisfied that with Rick's retreat, the safari show was over.