Mr. Soup

This can of soup is on display at Jungle Kim's in Fairfield, Ohio.
It is not really intended to be a babysitter.



"Evan, sit down and listen to Mr. Soup tell a story." Evan's mother spoke in a cheery, singsong voice. The teen-aged store attendant stood nearby, not fooled for an instant by the false sweetness in her tone. A few of the other children began squirming on the floor. One toddler began spinning in circles on the dirty tile. Another, watching him, started to do the same with his sticky little hands pushing his body back and forth on the floor.

Evan started to whine and held his hands up for his mother. "Evan, Mommy's going to get some yummy food for dinner, alright? You stay here, okay? And I'll get us some yummy spaghetti, okay?"

Non-plussed, Evan began crying. He kicked his legs against the floor as Evan's mother cajoled him some more. "Maybe Mommy can get some of those ice cream pops you like? If you stay here and be a good boy, I'll bring you a surprise." She gingerly pulled her son's grip off her arm and stood up. She hoisted her purse over her shoulder and hurried away, seemingly searching for the aisle she needed, but the teen-aged Children's Activity Director was not fooled. Evan was going to be a handful. But then, most of them were.

Suddenly, Mr. Soup revved up and began rocking back and forth on his trapeze as an animated song and voice came through the tinny speakers on his can.

"Hello, Boys & Girls. I'm Mr. Soup! Would you like to hear a story today?"

Six toddlers froze in their spots, transfixed by the gigantic can of soup swinging above their heads. Then Evan let out a blood-curdling scream and the rest began to follow. Six toddlers sobbed at her feet. The teenager shook her head. It always happened.

She didn't know whose bright idea it was to have a can of soup babysit kids while their mothers shopped, but whoever it was, was a genius. She decided she was never having kids. She checked her watch. Mr. Soup Storytime took 20 minutes. She had nineteen more to go.