No Punches Back

“Pink-blue-yellow-green punchbug! No punches back!” 

Ted slammed his fist into his brother Frank’s arm as they passed a Volkswagen bug passing them on the highway. The car jerked to the left for an instant before Frank corrected the wheel, cursing under his breath and checking his sideview mirror to make sure he hadn’t narrowly missed hitting another car.

“Dammit, Ted. I’m driving!”

Ted hit his brother’s arm again. “Ooh, stop. My name is Frank and I’m a wuss who drives like an old lady with two hands on the wheel.”

“Jesus, Ted. What are you, five?”

In response, Ted turned in his seat and began punching Frank in the arm with one fist after the other. Frank batted his hand away as the car swerved right and left between yellow lines. Another car zoomed up alongside and honked its annoyance. Startled, Frank righted his car again, over-correcting and sending their car onto the rutted shoulder of the road.

“Would you just stop it, Ted? Why do you have to be such an ass?”

Ted continued to pound his fist into his brother’s arm, all the while mimicking his brother’s plea in a high falsetto. Frank held his arm rigid and flipped on his blinker as he slowly started to pull to the side of the road.

“That’s it. I’ve had it.”

Ted punched him again and laughed. “Lighten up, you big sissy. Grow some, why doncha?”

Frank put the car in park. “Get out of the car.”

“Quit being such a wuss. It’s just a game.”

“I said, get out of the car.”

“Who’s going to make me?” Ted taunted Frank as he sat solidly in his seat. Frank unbuckled his seatbelt and checked his sideview mirror again. A white Volkswagen was approaching from about 500 feet behind them. “I’m warning you. Get out of the car.”

“Or what?”

Frank drew back his fist and slammed it into the side of his brother’s balding head. The right side of Ted’s face smashed into the window.

“White punchbuggy. No punches back,” Frank said as he turned the key in the ignition and flipped on his left-turn blinker. “Jesus, 60-years-old and you still think you can beat me at this game?” Frank pulled into traffic. “”Next time I won’t put the child-safety locks on. I’ll let you fall out of the car and let your stupid head hit the ground. Now wipe that blood off your lip and keep your hands to yourself. We’ll tell Mom you bit your lip. She’s going to have a nice Mother’s Day with both of her sons and then I’m going to punchbuggy your ass all the way home. You got it?”