Fifteen Minutes at the Army-Navy Store

An explosion of ten-year-old boys burst through the door.
 "Awesome!"
   "Cool!"
    "Oh, man, look at this!"

The boys spread out, covering as much area as a dozen boys could. Loud spurts of "Dude!" and "Check it out!" fired across the aisles. Janice, the dark-haired woman behind the register came out from behind the counter and zeroed in on the only other woman in the store who was standing near the door with a cell phone in hand. "Can I help you?"

The frizzy-haired woman snapped her gum and smiled. "No, we're fine." She punched in some numbers on her phone and raised it to her ear, sticking a finger into her other ear as the decibel level rose in the mess gear section. Janice had no choice but to go back and guard her post. A trio of boys approached the counter and began flicking the lighters. She snatched the display away and glared over toward the woman at the door. Perturbed, the woman turned away from her and leaned into her phone call with greater resolve.

"Dude! Get these!" one boy called out to another. He held up a pair of flame repellent combat boots. Five or six boys came running and pulled boxes down from the shelf to try them on. The majority of the boys remained with the mess gear, rattling pans and tent poles before shoving them back onto the shelves haphazardly.

Janice watched the action in her corner security mirrors. She noticed that one boy donned in a camouflage jacket was wandering around the store adding ribbons and medals as he went. The woman near the door remained oblivious. Furious, Janice locked her register and marched over to the woman.

"Ma'am."

The woman held up a finger, motioning that she was still in the middle of a phone call. She turned away, but Janice tapped her again. "Ma'am. Are you with these boys?"

Rolling her eyes and sighing loudly, the woman on the phone finally spoke. "Hold on a minute. Jim, I'll have to call you back. We're about to do cake, so about 20 more minutes."  She flipped her phone closed and turned to the clerk. "What can I help you with? I'm in the middle of my son's birthday party."

Janice was taken aback. Birthday party? Wasn't she with these boys? A loud noise behind her demanded her attention. A gas mask and shield were hastily shoved back on top of a rack display. Janice stomped over to the boys and grabbed the equipment from them. She was about to tell them they had to leave the store when all of a sudden the cell-phone woman walked back in the door with a box full of cupcakes lit up.

"Happy Birthday to you," she twanged loudly. The boys laughed and nudged the apparent birthday boy in the ribs. He elbowed them back and turned away from his mother, who continued to sing as she approached the boot section. Janice watched, open-mouthed as the procession continued. When the mother at last finished her song and the boy blew out his candles, Janice snapped out of her reverie and stormed over to the woman. The boys devoured their cupcakes like animals. Chocolate crumbs dropped to the floor and Janice watched in horror as a boot smeared icing across the gray tile.

"That's it! Get out of here before I call the police."

"What are you talking about?" the woman asked. "We're just shopping."

Flabbergasted, Janice almost couldn't speak. But then more chocolate icing streaked across the floor as the boys began to tussle, getting icing on combat boots and camouflage fatigues. "You're going to pay for those, or I call the police."

The woman looked in the direction of Janice's pointed finger. "Andrew, wipe those boots off and put them back. Kyle, did your mother give you money for those?" she asked the boy in the camo pants. Kyle turned his back to her without answering, but tugged the pants off and let them fall to the floor.

"Mom, you're ruining my party!" Andrew wailed. "Besides, you said I could get anything I wanted. I want these." Andrew stood up with the shiny black boots still on. He stomped across the store and took cover behind a rack of t-shirts where he then pretended to shoot his mother and Janice with a machine gun.

The woman shrugged at Janice and gave her a sheepish look. "The party's almost over anyway. The other parents should be here in about 15 minutes."

Janice's mouth dropped open. This woman really had thrown a birthday party here in the middle of the store. Janice watched as the boys scattered throughout the shop again, taking cover behind various racks and using the military garb and equipment to stage a fake war. They made noises like bombs exploding and dove underneath Janice's inventory. She watched for a moment to make sure they weren't really dead, but it wasn't her birthday and she hadn't blown out the candles. The boys continued to run wild.

"15 minutes, huh?" she asked the mother. She nodded. Janice walked back to her register counter and picked up the phone. "That ought to be plenty of time for the police to get here. "