How Do You Say "No Snakes!" in Espanol?

After all that, this is the only oxcart I saw. "The world's biggest."

I was already a day late in travelling to Costa Rica and scrambled to re-arrange my plans. I was going on business but had hoped to fly out early and do some sightseeing. A family illness made me delay my trip. Now, instead of going on the volcano tour I’d booked, I settled for a trip to the oxcart village and coffee plantation.  

I woke early and sat in the hotel lobby, waiting for my tour bus. I watched other people come and go for hours. Panic started to set in. I was the only person left and my 10:30 tour bus had never arrived. It was already 11:00am and I was still sitting in a hotel lobby on my only free day in Costa Rica. I felt tears welling in my eyes. I was going to miss out on this once-in-a-lifetime chance.

Then a man walked into the lobby.

 "Julio!"

 That's me!  (I hoped.) The van was already 1/2 hour late, but I was relieved it was there. I got on and there were two other Americans on board. One was a 70-year-old woman from Nevada, and the other was a 30ish man from Florida. We got to talking and they told me all about the places I should see while I was in Costa Rica. The woman had just gone zip-lining and loved it. The man had, too, in a different area. They did make it sound fun. They'd both been to Costa Rica a few times, so they talked and then one of them said, "This is the way to the falls?" 

The falls???

The two of them talked and said that the falls were near the Poas volcano and that they were pretty sure that someone else they'd met earlier that week was joining the tour. I couldn't concentrate too much because I was thinking -- falls?? Was I on the wrong tour bus?!  By then, it was nearly noon, and we'd travelled pretty far. If I said anything, I wouldn't have the chance to get on any other tours. And I wasn’t sure how to say something to the driver anyway, since I don’t speak any Spanish. So I kept my mouth closed and asked Marta what our itinerary was. She looked at me strangely and then said that first we'd go to La Paz Waterfalls and then to the butterfly garden and rainforest. The man chimed in that we'd see monkeys and sloths and snakes.

My heart dropped. Snakes? I am terrified of snakes, but I was going to have to buck up and get over my fear of snakes or spend the afternoon on the minibus. I was so disappointed that I wasn't going to get to go on my nice safe coffee and oxcart tour, but I couldn’t spend my entire time in Costa Rica sitting in an office. Snakes or no snakes, I was going to see the countryside!

Then Marta asked me if I’d brought a rain poncho?

I still couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd gotten on the wrong bus. I just said that I wasn't sure. My plans had gotten all screwed up. I sounded like an idiot, but I was still trembling at the thought of stumbling upon big snakes in the rainforest. I asked her if she'd been to the coffee estate on her past travels, hoping she’d say we were going there today, after the snakes. She started to answer and then the bus stopped and a man walked up to the bus and said "Juliann. Come with me."

I was so embarrassed. I thought that the driver had figured out that I wasn’t really on this tour and called for someone to remove me. How embarrassing.  But no, this had been the plan the whole time. Another tour bus was waiting for me. This bus had just been the means to get to the next one. What a relief! I was going to see oxcarts and coffee and had escaped the encounter with snakes.  So it all worked out. If I'd spoken Spanish, I might have known that earlier.