Restaurant No-No's

Sean Elder wrote an article for the digital magazine Real Eats titled 5 Things You Never Want To Hear Your Waiter Say. That immediately caught my attention, but I was disappointed to open the link and find such innocuous things such as:

• "It depends on what you like."
• "We have two orders of the [blank] left; if you're thinking of that I'll put the order in now."
• "We'll bring the dishes out of the kitchen as they're ready."
• "We can't turn the air conditioning/heat/music down because the chef likes it like that."
• "What are we talking about here?"

Here are 5 things I never want to hear MY waiter say:

1. I lost one of my ear gauges (or fingernails, or teeth). Can you check your food?
2. Hhhmm. That dish doesn't look right. It's not usually green.
3. We've only had 3 reported cases of food poisoning this week.
4. Aahh-ch-o-o-o-o!  Sorry, I'll wipe that off.
5. I think I'm going to throw up again.